Monday, July 21st 2008

so its a month later, i am in california, and this blog seems like such an ill-conceived but darling little experiment. i felt the urge to write in it because i watched a good movie: dan in real life. it hit me really hard, and i loved it. it reminded me of sideways, but it has given me even more of an emotional response. maybe that's because i'm at a more emotional time, maybe its because i identify with carell more than giamatti, or maybe its because dan in real life is even better (prolly not). carell goes up north with his family, and throughout the whole movie, he is there with his family, and its not a very heavy handed theme, but its there: the man who thinks he's miserable but actually he has family so he's OK

i have been here with alison and andrew for a week, and its so different from michigan. i am trying so hard to be family with matt and jennifer and myrium. i am worlds apart from them compared with andrew and alison. its has been recuperative and inspiring to realize that in spite of being unhappy, i have the supportive siblings that are family. furthermore, i cannot just add step-siblings to my family and ever expect them to share with me the same bond. oh well.

just like this blog and taking drugs was a crazy experiment---- break up with sarah, and maybe the path to the next big thing flows through buspirone or through zoloft. that's crazy! its as crazy as forgetting the supreme value that my blood siblings hold to me above my step-siblings.